Balotelli to Udinese: How Rumours Get Started

No but seriously, wouldn’t it be awesome if Balo became a Little Zebra?
by Sonja Missio   |   Friday, November 22, 2013

WikiMedia Commons

Have you ever seen a picture of Antonio Di Natale and Mario Balotelli together?

If you were to Google Image “Antonio Di Natale” and “Mario Balotelli” together – I’ll wait while you do – several images of the two laughing, embracing, goofing off at national team training will pop up.

The pictures show a softer side of Di Natale, the Udinese striker who is often portrayed as a serious player, baring the weight of responsibility of his club on his shoulders. And the pictures show a, well, they show Balo pretty much just being Balo.

Bless him.

Anyway, the point is that Di Natale and Balotelli seem to have an amicable relationship, one that seems built on mutual respect and admiration. The two successfully trained together in the 2012 European Cup and seem happy to meet and play against each other now that they’re both in Serie A.

Balotelli could learn a lot from Di Natale, a man that is used to leading a motley crew of players to reasonable success. Di Natale could teach Balotelli discipline, hard work, leadership and respect, all things that he did not receive at Manchester City and were minimal when he played for Inter.

And forget Balotelli learning any of the above at Milan. Have you seen the current state of the club? Despite Balo’s love for i Rossoneri, they are not the healthy and loving environment that the 23-year-old striker needs right now to develop into a player who will be forever known for his skill first and his infamy/bib troubles second.

But Udinese could offer Balotelli the growth and education that he needs to go down in the history book as more than a Lamborghini-and-Lady-Loving lunatic.

And on that note, I present to you:

The Top 20 Reasons Why Udinese Should Sign Balotelli Immediately*

*or in the January transfer window

20. Not only would Balo add another element up front in the Udinese attack, but he also adds height to Di Natale’s smaller stature. Seriously, look at Di Natale’s shorts-to knee-to sock ratio. It’s adorable!

19. Owner Giampaolo Pozzo would be beside himself in happiness with the sale of Balotelli shirts.

18. Speaking of which, I would totally love to see my 88-year-old zia wear a Balotelli Udinese shirt.

17. For the first time in their 118-year history, Udinese would be signing an already established player.

16. Francesco Guidolin would also be a good match for Balotelli. The striker needs an egoless coach to lead him and give him a reassuring hug.

15. The pairing between Di Natale and Balotelli would be unstoppable… you know, if and when they both decided to be “on” their game.

14. “Tolo” or “Balo” or “Bato” headlines! Everywhere!

13. Speaking of which, soccer journal would totally lose their shit over the signing announcement…

12. … and the Messaggero Veneto would just shut down entirely for the day.

11. Di Natale could actually be rested without fans/the rest of the squad totally freaking out.

10. Sure, Balotelli likes Milan, but who actively dislikes Udinese? Except for Morgan De Sanctis, who once paid out his own contract out in an attempt to leave the Friulano team.

9. Balo does have Champions League experience. Maybe he can teach Udinese not to, you know, totally suck during UCL campaigns.

8. According to my research (a quick Google search) there are no women’s prisons located in Udine.

7. Udinese already decent penalty average will increase by 100%.

6. Additionally, Balo could teach Di Natale a thing or two about taking penalties.

5. Also, could you imagine if Pozzo sent Balo to Watford for a season? That would be amazing.

4. Think of the hijinks Balotelli would get up to being so close to the Alps. Balotelli on skis! Balotelli on skis!

3. Friulanas make better lovers. Think about it, Balo.

2. On a serious note, Udinese attacking style would actually really suit Balotelli’s development as a professional player. Plus, the constantly and form of Udinese would help the longevity of his career.

AND FINALLY ...

1. I just learned that a group of zebras is called a “dazzle.” Think about it: Balotelli would be a part of a dazzle.

Anyway, if anyone has Pozzo’s number/email address/ LinkedIn contact/ Twitter handle, let me know so I can forward him my argument.

I so cannot wait for the January transfer window.

Sonja MISSIO

Nationality:
Canada
College:
Univ. of Guelph, Univ. of W. Ontario, Brock University
Club Domestic:
Toronto FC
Club Foreign:
Udinese
Supported Udinese since birth, TFC was her own stupid decision; writing on her masochistic relationship with soccer started after. Doomed as a Canadian - Friulano - Swiss - Filipina. Searching for Juventini actually from Turin and running for FIFA Prez.
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